this is a parody a lampoon and a joke - not to be taken seriously and therefore is fair use and lampoon use
HARVARD DEPARTMENT OF GOVERNMENT 1,310,000 - INTRODUCTION TO CONGRESS AS A STEPPING STONE TO BECOMING PRESIDENT -TAKE HOME FINAL EXAMINATION
April 26, 2012
Prof. Oliver Platt, Assistant Associate Professor without Tenure, Power or anything close to a snowball's chance in hell of gaining tenure in this lifetime.
THIS IS A TAKE HOME EXAMINATION. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO CHEAT, UNLESS OF COURSE YOU ARE A LEGACY, A DOUBLE LEGACY OR YOUR PARENTS ARE PART OF OUR EVER GROWING AND IMPORTANT DEVELOPMENT PROGRAM HERE AT HARVARD, IN WHICH CASE WE WILL GIVE YOU THE ANSWERS AHEAD OF TIME.
QUESTION 1: What were the names of the two major parties in Congress between the following years?
a) 1790-1820 (Hint: it's a kind of architecture found in Boston and Philadelphia)
b) 1830-1850 (Hint: Rhymes with "Fig")
c) 1856-present (Hint: Deadlock.)
QUESTION 2: Explain why Congressional Pages have been abolished. Use no more than 2-4 pages and cite relevant course material for your answer.
QUESTION 3: Explain using 2-4 pages your Business Plan to become President of the United States, how you plan to fund it, and how you Plan to use Congress as a Stepping Stone:
a) What part of the United States do you plan to campaign for Congress from?
b) Do you intend to run as a liberal, middle of the road or bluedog Democrat?
c) Do you believe Republicans are insane, crazy or simply afflicted by God with a flesh eating bacterial disease?
d) Why are Harvard graduates endowed by the Creater with the inalienable right to rule over others by the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution and the Six Members of the Supreme Court who went to Harvard? Why are John F. Kennedy and Barrack Obama the models of what a President, Senator and Congressman should be?
e) When do you plan to obtain your Harvard Law Degree? How do you cleverly plan to avoid boring law practice and delve directly into the thrill of public service and the ego-feeding joy of elective politics?
f) How much money do you plan to commit to Harvard and to your Congressional Campaign?
g) How much money do you plan to commit to my campaign to become a tenured professor at Harvard and a permanent guest of the White House?
h) How many terms do you plan to serve in Congress before running against your most trusted mentor in a brutal Senate primary to unseat them and claim your rightful spot in the United States Senate? (your answer should be no more than 4 terms)
i) Which Kennedy/Clinton/Obama do you plan to marry?
j) Who will be ghost-writing your campaign biography?
k) Who do you plan to sleep with to form political and sexual liaisons with for power, money and influence along your paths to power?
l) Turn to your left and right--only one of of you will be left in the game in twenty years.
YOU HAVE THREE DAYS TO COMPLETE THIS TAKE HOME EXAMINATION. PLEASE RETURN ALL ANSWERS TO THE OVAL OFFICE OF THE JOHN F. KENNEDY SCHOOL OF GOVERNMENT, PROF. PLATT'S OFFICE. GOOD LUCK AND MAY THE BEST MAN, ER, PERSON WIN.
If you require assistance, TAs Schmuck, Duck and Cluck are available during Office Hours.
If you require assistance, TAs Schmuck, Duck and Cluck are available during Office Hours.
