Subtitle: I Will Not Write An Uncensored, Unauthorized
History of the Simpsons. By John Ortved. Foreword by Douglas
Coupland. (Faber and Faber,
Inc. An Affiliate of Farrar, Straus and
Giroux. New Yor , NY
KIM KARDASHIAN - HOMER SIMPSON'S IDEAL WOMAN
Ridiculously
Pretentious Introduction Demonstrating My Academic Bonafides
“The history of all hitherto
existing society is the history of class struggles.” Karl Marx & Friedrich Engels, Manifesto
of the Communist Party.
(1883). (impossibly long citation
to word “society” in original omitted).
Cited from The Marx-Engels Reader. Robert C. Tucker, Ed. (revised & enlarged 2d ed., W.W. Norton
& Company, NY & London, 1978, 1972).
At p. 473 & n.6.
Truly
Pretentious and Over-bearingly Academic, Laden with Cliched Name-Dropping
Transitional Paragraph Further Illustrating That I went to Harvard Where I
Critically and Hermeneutically Studied the Original Texts of Marx and Engels
With Deconstructionist Elan as Well as Assimilating Fully the Entirety of
Economics, Econometrics and the History of Economics From Conservative
Nobel-Prize Winning Professors Who Have Advised Every Administration Republican
or Democrat to the Current Day While Also Partying at the Lampoon Castle, the
Pi Eta Club & the Harvard Advocate Trolling for Smart Hot Babes and Making
Key Alumni Friendships and Connections that You Did Not and Will Not Ever Make
Famously, neither Marx nor Engels
ever really defined “class” in all of their lengthy, prolix, verbose, Hegelian,
anti-Hegelian, dialectical, anti-dialectical, idealistic, anti-idealistic,
empirical, anti-empirical, long-winded, overwritten, windbag, poorly framed and
even more poorly documented, evidenced, reasoned and statistically warranted
(theirs may be the only economics texts in the world without graphs, pie charts
or mathematical formulae) (Maxwell’s equations, the theory of sets and
non-Euclidean geometry were all known in mathematics by 1883, not to mention
many well-known mathematical underpinnings of modern classical economics and
econometrics). So in defining the
problem of what they meant by “class” and “class struggle”, for years social
scientists, professors, commentators and actual honest to goodness genocidal,
homicidal, Priest, Patriarch, Pope, Biship, Buddhist, Missionary and Dalai Lama
killing communists have been puzzling over this phrase for years hoping to
decipher the theory of dialectical historical materialism.
FHM COVER GIRL ARIANNY CELESTE - BART SIMPSON'S KIND OF GAL
The
Real Introduction – Do the BartMan! But Still Somewhat Pretentious, Academic
and Cliché Laden full of Showoff Words and Name-Dropping
But then came a little fellow named
Bart Simpson in the late 1980s, and suddenly, the whole world knew exactly what
the words “class struggle” meant. Bart
against his class, Bart against his parents, Bart against Springfield , Bart against the world. By class, we simply meant what every
red-blooded American knew—the struggle against school, rules, authority and
conformity. “Don’t have a Cow, Man” and
“Do the Bartman” became instant slogans of teenage angst, kulturkampf and urban
rebellion overnite as the Simpsons rocketed to overnite fame, even toppling the
famed “Cosby Show” from its ten year run as the nation’s #1 comedy show and
sending the Coz into permanent retirement rather than be humiliated by little
Bart for yet another season. Within a
year, another African-American comic from Philly, Will Smith, would become the
new Bill Cosby (so to speak) as Susan Stevenson and Andy Borowitz’s Fresh
Prince of Bel-Air would rocket to #1 status and conquer the World, still in
reruns today and generating generous residuals for its brilliant creators, Sue
and Andy.
KING LEONIDAS AT THERMOPYLAE - LISA SIMPSON'S KIND OF GUY
The
Same Boring S----- Everyone Says About the Simpsons
The Simpsons have become an American
institution, and with now twenty years on the air plus logged, and no end in
sight, the Simpsons have become one of the most amazingly durable entertainment
institutions since perhaps the various incarnations of I Love Lucy, the Lucy
Show, etc. that ran for so many many years in the early years of
television. To give some fair
comparison, classic shows like Dick Van Dyke and Perry Mason, as great as they
were, ran for five and eight years each (though to be fair, comebacks were made
by both later on, including a number of successful two hour made for TV Perry
Mason movies in the 1980s and early 1990s).
BART & HOMER SIMPSON - LIKE PERRY & DELLA
This
is the Part Where we Mention the Dead but Sexy Edie Sidgwick (Who Dylan’s
Blonde on Blonde was about) and the Pompous but Fairly Cool George “Paper Lion”
and “Paris Review” Plimpton Alongside Bart Simpson and This New Book; Good
Because This is a Digression About Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll
This book by John Ortved is a
terrific oral history of the Simpsons, from beginning to end. It is a series of interviews with the
principals of the show and other key players, done in the oral history format
so successfully used by the late George Plimpton in his famous biography of
Edie Sidgwick, Edie (_______________________). Edie was a famous model from 1965-67 who hung
out with Andy Warhol, had a famous affair with Bob Dylan, had an amazing amount
of WASP, Harvard and prep school heritage along with being from really old
money, as well as being gorgeous. She
was also the inspiration for many songs of the sixties, including “Blonde on
Blonde” by Dylan and “Dr. Roberts” by the Beatles, which are about sleeping with
Edie and another blonde, and Edie’s regular amphetamine shots from her
“doctor”, which are termed “vitamin B” injections in the Plimpton Bio. Edie was also the muse for Warhol, the Warhol
Factory and Warhol’s in house rock band, the fiery Velvet Underground, led by
Lou Reed, John Cale, Stirling Morrison & Nico. Needless to say, Edie ended up going insane
from the sex, drugs, amphetamines and other craziness of this period, and eventually
ended up in an asylum, inevitably ending her own life in California in the early 1970s. The best document of her life remains the
classic film “Ciao Manhattan”, which intercuts and interweaves cuts and film of
the insane Edie of 1970, who is living in a tent in the bottom of an emptied
out Southern California swimming pool, with film of the chic and fashionable
Edie of 1965-67 who took the fashion and celebrity worlds by storm. It remains a definitive document of 1960s
culture and style, as well as evidence of the heavy price that Edie for life in
the fast lane.
CLASSIC EDIE WARHOL FACTORY
FACTORY GIRL EDIE SIDGWICK
SEEDY EDIE IN ONE OF WARHOL'S MOVIES
CIAO! MANHATTAN A TRUE STORY OF SIXTIES' SIREN EDIE
1) Organization and Style
First,
this book is organized chronologically, with a huge emphasis on the originsand
early development of the Simpsons. The
first four seasons of the show, which are considered by all to be the greatest
episodes of the show’s history, are highlighted in detail. This is the period when the writing room
including approximately “eighty per cent (80%) Harvard Lampoon” alums, and “the
original room included Sam Simon, Al Jen, Mike Reiss, Jace Richdale, George
Meyer, John Swartzwelder, Jay Kogen, Wallace Wolodarsky, Jeff Martin and Matt
Groening (sort of).” (Ortved’s own
annotation to Groening writing role). Id. at p. 88. Ortved’s book carefully follows the show from
its beginnings through its many controversies (including feuds, fights and
legal fights, including spats over creative direction and money) through to its
most recent seasons. But to those who
would say that the Simpsons in its current incarnation is inferior to the early
seasons, original writer and Simpsons consultant Michael “Mike” Reiss has a
ready rejoinder, originally delivered at a speech at Northwestern University in
2004. According to Ortved, “Reiss told
the audience that when viewers tell him that the show is not as good as it used
to be, he offers the following explanation:
‘Go f_____ yourself!’”. Id. at p. 262.
2) The Legal Controversies over the Tracey
Ullman Show Spinoff Rights and Work for Hire Doctrine; How Tracey Ullman Ended
Up Paying for Her Own Show’s Losses With Her Simpsons Spin-Off Points Due to
Fox Creative Accounting While Matt Groening, James L. Brooks, Sam Simon and Fox
all Get Rich from the Simpsons Show Which has Grossed $3 Billion to Date
The
book details (sometimes painfully) the origins of the show as a spinoff from
the Tracey Ullman Show and the comic strip “Life in Hell” (id. at pp. 11-56,
passim & elsewhere, infra), along with the various legal and other battles
and squabbles over royalties, rights, merchandising revenues, residuals and
other fights that broke out between, by and among the various principals once
it became crystal clear that the Simpsons show would become a huge success. Id. Tracey Ullman, in particular, together with
her producers, was particularly vexed, since her contract with Fox specified
that any elements of her show belonged to her, including spinoffs and
intellectual property presented on her show, and she argued that Matt
Groening’s works of the Simpsons on her show prior to 1989 constituted a “work
for hire” and thus was 100% hers, and not assignable to anyone else, least of
all Fox, James L. Brooks, Matt Groening or any one else. Id.
at 11-56 & 131-144, especially chapter Nine “Fallout Boys” at 131-144
details the litigation and disputes between Ullman, Fox, Groening, Brooks and
other defendants. Also affected were
executive producers of the Tracey Ullman show Heide Perlman, Jerry Belson and
Ken Estin, along with an entity known as Gracie Films. Id. Without reviewing the lawsuit, the legal
papers, the record of the case, the contracts in question or any of the
depositions in the case, it is impossible to form a legal opinion of who is
right in this case, but generally speaking, an employee who works for another
surrenders ALL intellectual property rights in all works for hire as to
copyright to the employer under standard form employer agreements, as well as
patent, trademark and other rights, and it appears from what is stated in the
book that Matt Groening may have been employed by Tracey Ullman at the Tracey
Ullman Show and surrendered all of those rights in the Simpsons characters he
designed specifically for the Tracey Ullman Show, although this is purely
speculative without a detailed review of the original documents as
aforementioned. However, there was
litigation and the litigation was not resolved in Ullman’s favor, although she
did retain some contractual residual points in the Simpsons’ revenue. Id.
at p. 132. Fox accountants then
allegedly attempted to evade paying Ullman even that pittance by claiming that
the points were net points, not gross points, Tracey Ullman’s Show had lost
money for Fox and had never recouped its losses, and then went about accounting
the points due to Ullman by laying them off against alleged losses incurred by
the Tracey Ullman Show. Id. at pp. 11-56 &
131-144 & elsewhere, especially at p. 133.
According to Ortved, “Another reason Fox gave for denying the Ullman
[the Tracey Ullman Show] producers their cut of the Simpsons was that Ullman
[the Tracey Ullman Show] had never made any money. Because the Simpsons was spun off from the
Tracey Ullman Show, Fox argued that their [the Tracey Ullman Shows Producers,
including Ullman herself] points were worthless until the costs incurred by
Ullman [the Tracey Ullman Show had been covered. “For the first two years of the Simpsons,
they were saying, ‘Ullman’s still in the red, so you get nothing,’ a friend of the producers remembers. “The history of Hollywood is, ‘Yeah, you have points, try to
get ‘em.’”. Id. at p. 133. In short, Ullman was victimized by the
so-called “creative accounting” processes of Hollywood, even though it was she
who had given the formerly homeless and penniless Matt Groening his first break
in the television world. Id.
According
to Ken Estin, who is quoted in the book, “What happened is Jim Brooks and Fox
decided to give none of the merchandising money to the Tracey Ullman Show and
keep it all for the Simpsons. Meanwhile,
Jerry Belson and Heide Perlman and I were saying, “How come we don’t get a
penny from The Simpsons? It doesn’t seem
right. It was a spin-off of our
show. I’ve seen dozens of spin-offs, and
the creators of the original show always get something for the spin-offs, and
we went to Jim Brooks [James L. Brooks] and we went to Fox, and they wouldn’t
talk to us. They said, “Jim Brooks is
Jim Brooks and he doesn’t negotiate with people.” And Fox was not gonna negotiate with us and
wouldn’t show us the books and wouldn’t talk to us at all about it. They said “It’s over for you guys.”
Fox
to date has earned more than $3 billion dollars from the Simpsons. Tracey Ullman and her executive producers on
the Tracey Ullman Show, where the Simpsons cartoon debuted, and where Matt
Groening got his start, have received next to nothing compared to this gargantuan
sum. Id.
James L. Brooks, Sam Simon (then married to actress and professional
poker player Jennifer “Jiggly” Tilly aka Jennifer “Silly” Tilly aka Jennifer
“Dress Act Think Talk & Walk Willy Nilly Tilly”) and Matt Groening, by
contrast, have received the lions share of the Simpons’ creative production and
residual executive production points and profits (in the case of Brooks) and
the merchandising profits (in the case of Groening). Id. “Revenues from the first year of
merchandising [Simpsons and Bart Simpson] merchandise were estimated at $750
million with Fox nabbing around eight per cent (8%) of that number. In 1991. [Matt] Groening made [the list of ]
Forbes’ ‘Top 40 Richest Entertainers,’, with an estimate $18 million [earned in
1991, largely from merchandising points and revenues].” Id.
at p. 124. According to Gavin Polone, a
former agent for Conan O’Brien and several of the Simpsons writers, and
executive producer of Curb Your Enthusiasm, “Everybody was making millions of
dollars. Matt [Groening], Sam [Simon]
and Jim [James L. Brooks]…collected well over $600 million…[in the very early
years of the Simpsons]…my recollection was that of the total pie, they had
fifty (50%) per cent.” Id. at p. 124.
THE TRACEY ULLMAN SHOW ON FOX IN THE 1980s
WHERE BART GOT HIS START DUE TO MATT GROENING'S ART
3. Fox is Cheap to its Staff but the
Butterfingers are Free
Meanwhile,
Fox was allegedly very cheap to writers, producers and actors who actually
worked on the Simpsons and on the set, although the “butterfingers were free.” Id. at p. 146. According to Brian Roberts, an editor who
worked on the Simpsons from 1989-1992, “Matt [Groening] used to be the king of
merchandising. He would just sit in his
office and sign posters and create more [and more] ways of doing
merchandising. And meanwhile, Sam
[Simon] and the writing staff [during Seasons One through Three 1989-1992] were
churning out brilliant episodes. And
just as a side note, Fox is so cheap we never got any animation cels or
anything. I couldn’t even get one cel
from the episode that I wrote. But there
was no shortage of Butterfingers [a candy bar].
You could always go up to Matt’s office and grab yourself a big handful
of Butterfingers, because those were free, because Matt had signed that
Butterfinger [endorsement] deal [whereby Bart Simpson endorsed
Butterfingers]. No shortage of those
[Butterfingers]. To this day, I can’t
eat a Butterfinger.” Id. at p. 146.
TYPICAL MERCHANDISING GAMBIT USED TO ENRICH
MATT GROENING DURING THE RUN OF THE SIMPSONS AND
LINE THE POCKETS OF SPONSORS LIKE BUTTERFINGER
2)
Conan
Famously,
Conan O’Brien was originally a writer for Saturday Night Live and also a former
Harvard Lampoon alum, but several years younger than the original writers, when
he decided to quite SNL in the fall of 1991.
He expressed his unhappiness to Lorne Michaels. Id.
at p. 160. Shortly afterwards, Conan was invited to write for the Simpsons
by Mike Reiss and Al Jean, who called Conan and said to him “We heard that you
just left Saturday Night Live. Would you
be interested in working at The Simpsons?”
According to Conan, “So I said ‘Yes!’”.
Id. at
p. 160. Conan continues: “The Simpsons was notorious at the time. I think they had done a couple of seasons. Everyone wanted to be on that show, but they never
hired.” Id. at p. 160. Ortved’s book devotes an entire chapter of
this book to “Conan” (chapter Eleven, id. at pp. 159-168) and this is some of
the most valuable and insightful writing in the entire volume, along with the
various Conan quotations sprinkled throughout the Book elsewhere. What emerges is a picture of how a younger
talent, in this case Conan O’Brien, is first mentored by older, wiser writers
and producers like Lorne Michaels, Al Jean and Mike Reiss, together with the
other great writers of the Simpsons like Jon Vitti et al., but then eventually
grows to find a distinct voice of his own, and then eventually auditions for
and wins the right to host the late night show to succeed David Letterman’s
slot on late night TV, and steps successfully into the limelight himself,
making the transition from acolyte to accomplished writer finally to
entertainer. Conan worked at the
Simpsons as a writer from 1991-1993, writing for Seasons Three and Four of the
Simpsons helmed by Al Jean and Mike Reiss, these two seasons being widely
considered to be among the four best in Simpsons history, due in no small part
to Conan’s being part of the creative team.
But
as this book makes clear, the process of enrichment was mutual. This process of the show getting better while
Conan’s abilities amplify and multiply, is illuminated, explained and detailed
in Ortved’s book, and no better than in Conan O’Brien’s own words. Of course, Conan is now officially the
funniest Irishman in the world and touched by the Blarney Stone nearly six
times a day (when he’s not busy sending out one of his retinue of fifty
personal assistants to go out and cash one of his thousands of NBC severance checks, which arrive nearly
every hour, made out to “Conan O’Brien, Host of the Tonite Show” in the
millions of dollars, expressed to Mr. O’Brian by private mountain bike courier
to his illustrious two hundred fifty room palatial estate located high in the
Central California Mountains, looking down upon the Pacific Ocean with a clear
downwards view of the far smaller former William Randolph Hearst/Citizen Kane
Xanadu estate along the Central California Coast, Conan’s new residence now
unofficially dubbed by many bloggers “Conannadude”).
CONAN PLAYS "WHILE MY GUITEAU GENTLY WEEPS"
IN MEMORY OF THE LATE PRES. JAMES GARFIELD
What
does shine through here in Ortved’s book is Conan’s humility, respect and
reverence for the original Simpsons writing crew, and for the Simpsons show
itself. It’s obvious that even if he is
a Harvard Lampoon and SNL alum, Conan considers the Simpsons to be the Caltech/Livermore
Laboratories of high-acceleration nuclear particle advanced theoretical comedy,
where he got his Ph.D. (so to speak, to mangle an awful metaphor) and learned
his professional chops. Recalls Conan
upon being asked and invited to join the writing cast and writing room of the
Simpsons after Season Two by Mike Reiss and Al Jean in 1991: “It was as if that first Olympic Dream Team,
with Larry Bird and Magic Johnson, called and said, “Do you want to shoot
baskets with us?” [referring to the original writers room of the Simpsons’ Seasons
One and Two, and the invitation to join them extended by Al Jean and Mike Reiss
in fall of 1991]. Id. at p. 88. Adds writer Bill Oakley (Simpsons writer,
1991-1997): It was like being hired at
Saturday Night Live in 1977. It was like
going to work at Your Show of Shows in 1955, when you had Mel Brooks and Neil
Simon and all those guys on the writing staff.
The show was at its absolute height and it was all the original guys and
Conan.” Id. at p. 88. [referring to the original
writing team of Al Jean, Mike Reiss, Jon Vitti et al., see supra & Id. at p. 88]. It was a time.
THE END
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